Resolution Bitches

In high school and college there is a program call Model United Nations. In this activity students simulate the United Nations by arguing world events then drafting resolutions and finally voting on them. I guess in a way it is a feel good club because countries often agree. I was Syria at the last event I attended. I was able, as Syria, to talk with the United States and because of my lack of Syrianess I was easily even able to come to an agreement with some of the NATO members although they seemed reluctant. By now you should be coming to the realization that I wasn’t good at this.

The key purpose of this club is ultimately to draft resolutions aka solutions to world problems (and this only takes a couple days and members range from incoherently drunk to anal rule abiding scholars). And this event has winners and in order to win you must talk a lot and have your countries name as one of the main contributors to a resolution (ideally the most popular one… so being Syria really sucks if you want to win). Seems simple enough.

But I’m not telling you how to win at MUN there is something more important. During the event I noticed that several people/countries would be so anxious to get there name on a big resolution that they would leech onto a big nation and essentially take notes on what that person’s/country’s ideas were. This meant that once some discussion had taken place and it was time to start drafting that person was the natural man/women/country for the job. This thrilled that person because as drafter of the resolution they throw in a single original word like a forgotten “the” and they are a contributor to the resolution and there name/country’s name goes at the top. These people never win anything nor learn much and if that’s not enough they are referred to as resolution bitches.

This is important because resolution bitches exist outside of fake UN. In fact they are everywhere. Every time you go to a meeting and someone starts taking taking notes which turn into the meeting’s minutes, there you have your resolution bitch. This person doesn’t make any contributions to the discussion/meeting and comes up with no ideas. This person is easily replaceable and easy forgettable. Don’t be a resolution bitch. There are tons of reasons to include your ideas in a meeting and if your at the right place you should have ideas. Make sure they are heard. This makes you a contributing knowledge worker which are harder to replace. The best knowledge workers are obviously desperately sought after.

Always bring a tape recorder to meetings and if someone asks you to take minutes than turn on the tape recorder and type them up later so that you can contribute. Never become the resolution bitch.

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